When I'm an Elementary School Teacher, I'll Keep My Shotgun in my Desk

When I was in middle school I saw the documentary Bowling for Columbine for the first time. As a 12 year old, I was both outraged and confused. While every teenager I've ever met detests high school at some points, I couldn't imagine someone hating it so much that they'd prepare and enact a plan to kill their fellow students. In high school we would have practice lockdowns several times a year, where we'd crouch in the corner of a darkened classroom behind locked doors, and the local police department would go door to door ensuring that we'd retreated correctly. I didn't understand the point, since nothing like that would ever happen in my town.

Now I'm a junior in college and I've witnessed the worst school shooting in recent history, at an elementary school. This is something I cannot accept. News sources are saying 27 are dead at this small-town suburban K-4 school, 18 children. But how is the media going to explain this one to us? What kind of justification will they give us for an adult setting out to terrorize and slaughter children? When I learned about the Columbine massacre, even as a "tweenager" the first thought that came to me was that guns should be outlawed. This thought formed more fully as I grew older: the only citizens that should be able to legally acquire guns are police officers and military.

I understand the debilitating features of my plan. Pro-second amendment morons often complain that if guns are taken away from the law-abiding citizens, the criminals will of course still have them and use them against the "good" Americans. But research has shown that in cases when an armed intruder entered a home of gun-owners, the gun-owners were more likely to shoot themselves than the criminal. I also understand that enforcing such a law would be vastly expensive and nearly impossible. But can you really put a price on protecting our children? Gun advocates iterate again and again: "People kill people, not guns." But you know what? The guns make it a hell of a lot easier. The CT murderer today would not have massacred nearly as many innocent children as he did if he'd been stripped of his weapons. Guns distance the killer from the victim in a way that is unacceptable; if someone wants another human being dead so badly that they'd commit the murder themselves, they better damn well do it personally, because we're talking about people, not livestock. Mass murder would not be possible without guns. It's as simple as that.

How can we ensure our kids will be safe? It's simple. Either no one can have a gun, or everyone must be required to carry one. Which of these extremes seems more likely?

Lately I've been narrowing down potential career options, and I've come to the conclusion that I'd be happiest teaching elementary school. Children of that age are the most fun. They're creative and curious, eager to learn and socialize. In my opinion there is no such thing as an evil child. But there are evil men; there are evil adults. So if and when I find myself teaching 1st grade in a suburb of New York City, I plan to keep a firearm in my desk. Because I'll be fucking damned if I'm going to let anyone hurt a bunch of innocent children just because they feel like it.